Lions Attempt to Resign Barry Sanders
Detroit, MI - It would seem that the recently fired Lion’s General Manager left the team in a state of panic and turmoil. “No one knows what is going on. It’s like the Titanic is sinking, but it’s also on fire at the same time,” said Lions owner William Clay Ford, Jr. So it is safe to say that the team is undergoing a rebuilding year. “More like a rebuilding decade,” an irate Ford Jr. said. The only thing that will save this team is a miracle, and the Lions have tried to find one. Before the game against the Bears the team went to a local Catholic church and washed their pads in the holy water. They lost that game by 27. Now they believe that a miracle will come in the form of a former player.
“We need Barry back,” Quarterback John Kitna said, referring to former Lion’s great and NFL Hall of Famer, Barry Sanders. “It’s the only way for us to stop sucking.” Sanders left the league in 1998 and in the years with him the team made the playoffs four times, but have only gone once since he left. Ford Jr. has extended an offer to Sanders and really hopes he takes the bait. It’s a 2-year, however-much-money-the-Lions-can-find offer.
“We’re willing to take money out of the salaries of our players to give it to him; I’ll even rob my son’s piggy bank and not buy him any presents for Christmas just to have some extra cash for Barry,” says new GM Martin Mayhew. Sanders has yet to respond on the issue, but the Lions are adamant about getting in touch with him.
“I have personally been sitting in a bush outside his house for the last two weeks. Like I said, I’ll do anything to get Barry back. I think my family is wondering where I am, though,” Said Ford Jr. So when this situation is resolved one of two things will happen: Barry will come back, or Ford Jr. will go to prison for stalking and the Lions will keep losing. After hearing that statement Ford Jr. said, "I'll be okay with going to prison as long as we get Barry back."
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