Ants On Fire

Ever since the beginning of time, bros have been deciding the fate of tiny animals everywhere.

Rabbits, squirrels and chipmunks have all fallen victim to the power of the bro. However, one animal has been tortured more than any other by the bro community. Ants were probably living a very happy and casual existence before the male gender came along. Beginning in childhood, bros cut down the population of ants almost ten to fifteen percent everyday. In this smaller world, humans look like Godzilla, while the ants are sort of like the tiny Japanese people that used to run from him.

Even in the Dark Ages kids were stomping and smashing anthills, but when Roger Bacon came along in the 13^th century and invented the magnifying glass, all hell broke loose. After that first person realized that he could capture the heat of the sun with this contraption, ants were screwed. It may have started with the occasional leaf or pile of grass being lit on fire, but it soon turned into a full out insect genocide. Ants were the number one targets of any bro who held a magnifying glass. The slow, tiny ants were no match for the heat of the magnified sun. If done correctly, an ant can be heated to the point where it pops like a piece of popcorn. It does not taste like popcorn though, as many bros have probably learned.

As a child I learned of the great power I could have with a magnifying glass in hand and I took full advantage of it. I cooked many ants and other small bugs to a golden brown crisp with the magnifying glass my grandmother had gotten me for Christmas. I don’t believe that she planned on it turning me into a mass murderer of insects, though. Hills, nests, holes in the ground, wherever an insect was I could find him and fry him with the power of the sun. Never had I let power like this go to my head. Even when I used to know that I could beat my five year old brother in a game of Mario Kart, I didn’t try to become more powerful at the game.

Soon after realizing the cooking power of the sun’s rays I became more and more destructive. I lit branches and newspapers on fire, while also melting holes in plastic toys that I used to play with. One toy that I ruined and to this day feel bad about was Woody. Yes, it was Woody from Toy Story. I had seen the movie and watched that terrible neighbor boy, Sid, cook a hole in Woody and I decided to do the same. My Woody toy was from McDonalds so it was okay with my mom because she didn’t pay a dime for it. I took him out into my driveway and cooked him like a rotisserie chicken. Now, looking back on it, I feel bad about my torturous ways with the ants and Disney characters. Therefore I’d like to use this story as a platform to publicly say that I’m sorry to anything I toasted.